Lauren Thornborough.
From the minute I announced my pregnancy there was a notable shift in my life. Conversations now revolved around the impending baby and no longer about me- let alone what I was achieving in my workplace.
The day I left to embark on maternity leave was a bittersweet one. I sat in the lobby of the building I called “home” for six years and sobbed. Anxiety about heading into a full time mum role played a part, but mostly I was mourning my life chapter as a full time career woman.
Parenthood was an absolute joy, living up to and surpassing everything everyone had said it would be. I relished the days with her, the smile on her face when I interacted with her and watching her grow. It was a new chapter that I loved.
The day arrived to return to work and my emotions were mixed. Excitement to drink a hot coffee. Yearning to have an adult conversation. Sadness that I wouldn’t be there for all of her little moments moving forward.
My first day back was overwhelming to say the least. What are all these acronyms? What are these new social media channels? What do you mean we are buying programmatically? I felt as if I had lost all my knowledge.
The team looked at me. Anticipation and expectation on their faces. They had awaited my return, and they were ready for me to lead. But how could I lead a team when I felt I could barely lead a conversation?
It came back. With time and patience, my grasp on being a leader in media returned. So, here are my lessons I want to share with you, as I wish someone had shared theirs with me. Four key personal insights from returning to work twice as a working parent:
1) You are your own worst critic
I said my team looked expectantly at me but that paled in comparison to the expectations I had for myself. I thought I could return to the same pace I had before children and that was not the case. In hindsight, I had a new, better approach to work. There was a clarity of focus, the time I had in the office was time away from my new family. So, I maximised every minute at work to get back home to them. I was able to bring increased empathy, patience, perspective to my role - critical skills in management. While I might not have had the same boundless energy as before, I was a better operator, and I learnt to love that.
2) You can set your own boundaries
I hate to say it but unfortunately most workplaces wont approach you when you return from parental leave to have a conversation about what working structure will be best for your new situation. You will have to learn to advocate for yourself. Be clear about what you are and are not willing to do. Most importantly, do not feel guilty. I repeat, do not feel guilty. Remember, you have new skills and a new perspective that the business will reap the benefit from.
3) You are not a bad parent because you work
The ABS reported in 2024 that 73% of couple families in Australia had both parents employed in some capacity and 70% of one-parent families with dependants in Australia were employed. Our economic reality means most households need to have both parents working in some capacity.
I often tell my own children that mummy and daddy have to go to work so we can do all the great things we get to do as a family but also to have food in the cupboard, lights to turn on at night and water for the bath. But also, I am role modelling for my children that their mum is a person, with an identity outside of home, who is capable of providing for them and making a difference in the workplace.
4) You will miss some moments, but others will be far more special
It is true, small and big moments will be missed. I have missed school carnivals, daycare parties and the occasional bedtime routine. But I can guarantee that nothing feels better than watching their faces when you meet them at the end of a hard day. I don’t think I treasured those tender interactions with my children as much when I was at home full time. Now when I get to school pick up, it is special. Having that time apart gives so much perspective and I miss them dearly.
If this article struck a chord and you want to have more conversations like this, come join The Village, an association for working parents in the Australian media industry.
Lauren Thornborough, Co-Founder ‘The Village’