This series of articles shines a light on toxic masculinity and encourages Australians to support themselves and their mates. Featuring industry leaders sharing personal experiences with the tagline -- When the going gets tough, get talking.
It celebrates the BOYS DO CRY campaign, which launched with a transformed version of The Cure’s iconic song, Boys Don’t Cry. The campaign is the brainchild of independent advertising agency The Hallway, produced in partnership with The University of Melbourne’s Centre for Mental Health, Heiress Films, Good Oil’s Tom Campbell, Uncanny Valley, Initiative and powered by UnLtd – raising funds for mental fitness foundation Gotcha4Life.
Next up is Sam Harris, Sales Director & Market Leader for ARN Melbourne
When was the last time you cried?
Recently watching Shane Warne’s kids talk about their Dad at his State Memorial Service. Loss and grief is a very powerful emotion and seeing others experience it on such a public stage, brings back powerful emotive memories for many.
I lost my Mum to Motor Neuron Disease when I was in my twenties and hearing Warnie’s kids talk about their Dad not seeing them get married, meet his grandchildren etc unlocked some old pain that I still think about regularly.
Tell us about your experience of traditional masculine stereotypes growing up
I was fortunate to grow up in a great family who were in touch with their emotions. I have a wonderful Dad and growing up he wasn’t afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve. As a boy and young man, I looked up to and idolised my Dad and my Grandfather. They were great role models and I did see them cry and show vulnerability.
In hindsight, I realise that they did show me that crying is ok, however at the same time growing up in the 80s and 90s playing cricket, footy and watching action movies - our role models and heroes were always that tough, strong male persona. So for me it was always a bit of a battle in being vulnerable and showing how I felt, whilst at the same time wanting to be tough and emulate the sporting and fictional characters I so wanted to be like.
I can remember being in year 12 and not making the student council, I was gutted. I was so overwhelmed with sadness but also resolute that I couldn’t let anyone at school see me cry. I couldn’t get home fast enough to let it all out to my Mum and Dad in a safe, unjudged environment.
What would you tell your 15-year-old self about opening up and showing your emotions?
That vulnerability is a superpower. When used appropriately and respectfully, being vulnerable allows us all to have such meaningful connections and relationships with one another. It humanises us all and gives us the ability to be empathetic to all people. It allows us to better understand each other in an age when we spend far too much time communicating electronically and far too little in person.
I would tell my 15-year-old self that showing vulnerability is a strength and that it will make myself and those that I interact with, happier and so much more connected.
What do you want for the next generation?
I’m so lucky to be a Dad of three myself, with my eldest being a wonderful 7 year old boy, called Jack. What I want for him as he grows up and becomes a man, is to be in a world where he can talk about and show his feelings openly and without fear of judgement. Where he can be vulnerable, but also be strong when he wants to be. I want Jack and his mates to not think that they need to suffer in silence, that they can get help and have support if they need it.
One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do is carry one of my best mates' coffin out of his funeral after he took his own life. I’ve asked myself so many times what I could have done differently as a mate, how could I have helped more? I didn’t know he was in that much pain and it breaks my heart that he thought the best solution was to do what he did. I don’t want my son and his mates or any other young men to have to deal with that.
As a father to a young man, I am so committed to doing everything in my power to lead by example and teach him to talk about his feelings, to be vulnerable and to always support those around him that need help.
What do we, as a society, need to do to challenge views that men should always put on a brave front?
Actions versus words – we’ve started the conversation and that’s a huge step, but as a result of a global pandemic, we have an enormous mental health crisis to address right here in Australia. The fact that every day in this country, an average of seven men take their own life, suicide kills three times more Australian men than road accidents and is the leading cause of death for Australian aged 15-49 is just shocking.
With these scary statistics increasing and 75% of all suicides being men, this shows us we have a huge problem and a huge opportunity. We’ve been ‘manning up’ for too long and as a society, we need to start ‘talking up’. I love the quote “All that is required for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing” and this couldn’t be more true – we as men need to do something now, we need to change and talk up so that we can demonstrate to the next generation that it’s ok to be vulnerable and show that boys do cry.
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