Independent media agency Adholics has writen an open letter to professional footballer Cristiano Ronaldo offering him a job.
"Dear Ronaldo,
"We were saddened to hear about your workplace troubles and wanted to offer you a new opportunity to work with a team that has the best culture on the planet.
"Adholics is one of the fastest growing and most disruptive media agencies in Australia and we are on the lookout for proven talent to help us score even more goals in 2023.
"Respect is one of the cornerstones of our business and we guarantee you will fit in well with our team. However, our culture is one of inclusiveness and there is no place for egos. You will be added to dishwasher and plant watering duties along with everyone else. In addition, we can offer you a window seat overlooking iconic Chapel St with sweeping views of Noodle World and Taco Bell.
"Your remit will be to service our incredible clients with the highest standard of media smarts and the most competitive media rates they have become accustomed to. Rather than debating with VAR, you will be negotiating with VMO, trying to wrangle more value for our clients' next campaign.
"You may have had four managers in just two years, but we have a proud 100% staff and client retention rate so get used to seeing a lot of the same faces in the office!
"We encourage flexible working and should you wish to leave early, we will likely send you a spa voucher rather than fine you two weeks wages.
"Even though your media experience may be light on, we will involve you immediately. Whether helping to present our 2023 Media Landscape deck to our clients or sit in our weekly lunch and learns (remember to ask questions).
"As an Australian-owned, independent agency, we don't have overseas bosses making calamitous decisions on our behalf and we reinvest all our profits into the latest ad tech and tools. That’s how we beat the opposition here, Cristiano.
"We thank you for your consideration and look forward to your response.
"The Adholics Team.
"PS If you sign up before December, you may be eligible for a JCDecaux ham."
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